Loving Someone with Borderline Personality Disorder: How to Keep Out-of-Control Emotions from Destroying Your Relationship

Loving Someone with Borderline Personality Disorder: How to Keep Out-of-Control Emotions from Destroying Your Relationship

Shari Y. Manning Marsha M. Linehan / Nov 13, 2019

Loving Someone with Borderline Personality Disorder How to Keep Out of Control Emotions from Destroying Your Relationship People with borderline personality disorder BPD can be intensely caring warm smart and funny but their behavior often drives away those closest to them If you re struggling in a tumultuous relation

  • Title: Loving Someone with Borderline Personality Disorder: How to Keep Out-of-Control Emotions from Destroying Your Relationship
  • Author: Shari Y. Manning Marsha M. Linehan
  • ISBN: 9781609181956
  • Page: 397
  • Format: Hardcover
  • People with borderline personality disorder BPD can be intensely caring, warm, smart, and funny but their behavior often drives away those closest to them If you re struggling in a tumultuous relationship with someone with BPD, this is the book for you Dr Shari Manning helps you understand why your spouse, family member, or friend has such out of control emotions andPeople with borderline personality disorder BPD can be intensely caring, warm, smart, and funny but their behavior often drives away those closest to them If you re struggling in a tumultuous relationship with someone with BPD, this is the book for you Dr Shari Manning helps you understand why your spouse, family member, or friend has such out of control emotions and how to change the way you can respond Learn to use simple yet powerful strategies that can defuse crises, establish better boundaries, and radically transform your relationship Empathic, hopeful, and science based, this is the first book for family and friends grounded in dialectical behavior therapy DBT , the most effective treatment for BPD.

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      Posted by:Shari Y. Manning Marsha M. Linehan
      Published :2019-08-02T23:07:31+00:00

    About "Shari Y. Manning Marsha M. Linehan"

      • Shari Y. Manning Marsha M. Linehan

        Shari Manning, Ph.D is the founder of the South Carolina Center for Dialectical Behavior Therapy, a comprehensive clinic that offered standard outpatient and intensive DBT treatment for adults and adolescents She is the former President CEO of Behavioral Tech, LLC and Behavioral Tech Research, Inc.Manning has supervised therapists at the Behavioral Research and Therapy Clinics at the University of Washington and the University of South Carolina as well as supervising therapists and programs at the SC Department of Mental Health and South Carolina Department of Corrections She also consults for state and private mental health programs at all levels of client care, including forensic and criminal justice settings Her research includes investigations of the efficacy of DBT with incarcerated women with borderline personality disorder BPD and with adult women with co morbid BPD and eating disorders Dr Manning has written several published chapters and articles on DBT and its implementation excerpted from BPD FamilyFor an interview with Manning How to Help a Loved One with BPD , go here psychcentral lib how to he


    943 Comments

    1. Very good book, doesn't really address physical attacks or rage/anger responses all that much, so it didn't really fit my situation. And she is, of course, very hopeful that the person with BPD will accept help - and that you can still have safe communications with the person with BPD, which I can't.Stillry interesting and I learned stuff about understanding and dealing with people with super-high emotions.Here's what I want to remember:Validation may be the only thing that can de-escalate someo [...]


    2. I would give this book more stars if I could. So much other literature on this complex personality disorder leaves the reader with a sense of hopelessness and despair. But not this book. The author writes with extreme compassion for both the persons suffering from BPD, and those who love and care for them, holding out hope all along the way. For that alone I want to give her 5 stars. The advice is very useful, and not just to individuals who have BPD in their lives, but anyone who is interested [...]


    3. I have been trying to read and rate as many self help books that deal with personality disorders, as defined by the DSM, as possible. They are almost always a severe disappointment. This was better than most and still sadly suffers from the same problems in most similar type books. The author does a good job of helping people understand what they might be doing to encourage controlling and manipulative behavior (see chapter on managing guilt and not enabling your BPD loved one), she contradicts [...]


    4. While repetitive at times, I felt this book did a good job explaining to someone without my background (mental health professional) how to respectfully care for a borderline person in their life and how to help break the cycles of destructive relationships that person may create. A concern I have is that there isn't much discussion of how to recognize when a relationship with a borderline person has become abusive, which is a common problem, especially with the behavior patterns associated with [...]


    5. I was interested in reading this book as my step-sister wrote it. Shari does a great job of sounding as though you were getting advice from a friend and I think the techniques, especially validation, can go a long way towards helping in any relationship, not just those with BPD. I've already used that technique on a couple conference calls with clients when we were having communication difficulties between parties. It is amazing how people can adjust their tone, etc. once you've validated their [...]


    6. I'll start with the positives. I got this book because other reviewers said it humanizes people with BPD, which it does. It has a very hopeful outlook, which I appreciated. I did learn at least one useful thing. She suggests that when someone with BPD is in a state of self-loathing and saying excessively negative things about themselves, instead of contradicting them and saying they're not terrible and listing wonderful things about them, you should first validate that you understand why they wo [...]


    7. Excellent primer for anyone really on how to handle highly emotional people and situations and how to regulate one's own emotions. Easy to follow examples and steps related in story form as well as in bullet charts. If you don't need stories, you can skim the blocked charts and receive a quick primers on Self Regulation, Self Care, Assisting others to work through their issues and emotions, Setting Boundaries, Assessing Crisis situations, and Prioritizing Problems for yourself and others. I trul [...]


    8. Initially the book starts out covering the basics and reads very much like a typical book on this personality disorder but 1/3 of the way into the book it makes a departure from many in that it provides good counsel to people living or working with individuals with BPD in a way that few books do. It does more than offering the management tips which some books highlight by helping the reader understand the interactive flow they participate in within the relationship. It adds to one's perspective [...]


    9. This book is clearly written, without treating its readers as idiots, as so many books in the mass psychology/self-help genre seem to do. While aimed firmly at those who have relationships with people with Borderline Personality Disorder, such as family members and partners, it's written in a gentle and non-judgemental fashion and thus should be fine for most sufferers to read as well. I would think most people with BPD would much prefer their loved ones to read this book than the outdated Walki [...]


    10. A must-read for mental health professionals who work with Borderline/highly sensitive patients and their loved ones. I was impressed by two aspects of this book: 1) her very compassionate perspective that recognizes how difficult it is to BE the Borderline, not just how hard it is to love one, and 2) so far the best explanation I've heard for why and how highly emotional individuals who have a lower-than-average distress tolerance are easily triggered and struggle to calm down.


    11. One of the best books I have read on Borderline Personality Disorder. This book is the life saver for the many people. I rediscover empathy and love within me. Thanks to Manning!(Personal opinion) This book is not recommended to the patient and should be kept hidden from themas they are damn smart and If they know that you are reading something and acting as per that they catch you and may increase their anxiety further.


    12. Really good read. Checked it out for my husband to read about my condition and I felt like I had to read it as well.


    13. I could have done worse. I can do better in the future. It's not hopeless. I just have to keep my emotions from ramping up, too. Good luck with that


    14. Excellent book to gain perspective on what your loved one goes through. It pretty much outlines your future with someone you love who has BPD. If you want to make it work, know this; you'll need mental strength until (if/when) your BPD loved one normalizes--it's pretty much a one sided relationship until then. If it's a situation where this is family then you need to read this book. If you're in a relationship with a significant other and you want to make it work then you need to read this book. [...]


    15. This book explained the disorder better than any other I have read. It made me understand what my daughter lives with every moment of the day. It also showed me how to regulate my own emotions. It taught me that I need to practice validation as I was raised with the philosophy of "suck it up buttercup". This is not a helpful method for dealing with BPD. It may need a re-read just to get the steps down. I can't deny that sometimes the book made me feel discouraged about the condition and the vast [...]


    16. The best of the BPD books that I've read. It really describes the BPD/non-BPD relationship (which could be useful for many types of relationships, not just the ones that are with someone with diagnosed BPD), and it has useful tips for communicating and de-escalating (also good for all sorts of relationships). That said, just reading it felt like a lot of emotional work. It's pretty much therapist-level relationship management skills.


    17. This book wasn't clinical enough for me, but would probably be a good read for those not interested in a clinical perspective.


    18. This is the best book I've read on BPD, combining the best of understanding the disorder to practical strategies for interacting with someone who has the disorder. This book understands BPD as stemming from two distinct causes: an overly sensitive genetic temperament combined with an invalidating environment. The book gives step by step strategies in both dealing with crises and helping the borderline with long-term improvement of her condition.


    19. One of the best books I have read on Borderline Personality Disorder written specifically for those who love them. The main reason this book is so wonderful is that it has concrete things can do with step by step processes for improving your relationship with someone who has Borderline Personality Disorder. It is so helpful and such an easy read that anyone could benefit from it, and follow the simple steps. It is so difficult to maintain a relationship with someone who has BPD as you may always [...]


    20. This book seamed helpful to those who just HAVE to deal with people who have BPD. But it just seemed to objectify those who suffer with it as some terrible thing and this is how you deal with them. I found myself angry and crying because it was like "oh is this what people are thinking when they are forced to maintain relationships with me?" I suppose if you have the disorder. It's a whole different kind of perspective on the matter. So the whole book in general is almost too real to face.


    21. One of the best books I've read for someone who has a loved one with BPD. While the first half of the book covers the basic info you can find in other books and across the internet, the latter half was invaluable to me. Many examples and scenarios were provided. This book gave me perspective into how someone with BPD reacts to my actions and words and how I can shift my approach to achieve a better result and ultimately a better relationship.


    22. This book really helped me to understand my friend with BPD, and what had happened in our relationship. I haven't had the opportunity to try any of the suggested responses to behaviors yet, but I will.I would definitely recommend this book to anyone who is in a relationship (friend, family, lover, spouse) with someone who has BPD.


    23. Incredibly helpful. I highly recommend this for those who have a BPD person in their lives. The main focus is on validating/invalidating. It explains all the tendencies of BPD, what's natural for a BPD person instead of what's an average experience. This book serves it's purpose completely-to make you more effective.


    24. So many not-very-illiminating illustrative anecdotes, as is usual for this kind of book. However, the content is so clear and important and well organized and explained that it'd have to be a grievous problem to get in the way.


    25. Incredibly hopeful and optimistic view of relationships affected by this disorder, but more so, an insight into most relationship issues and how we can compassionately and affirming build a better relationships.


    26. I found this to be way more useful than Walking on Eggshells. This one seemed warmer somehow, and more inclusive of the various facets of BPD rather than almost entirely focusing on the loud variety.


    27. Very well written with valid information. Great read and applicable to anyone living with someone who is extremely emotional, not just BPD


    28. Best one on the topic I have read with much more practical, doable advice than anything else I've seen. Also good for interactions with highly emotional non-borderliners.



    29. This book gives not only good insights on this disorder, but also very practical advice on how to handle relationship with people that present signs of it.


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